Whats on the Toob?

So, today I fly back from my hawaiian vacation from hell. wtf is that supposed to mean? well, its a little thing called an out of season typhoon. Follow my logic here....out of season typhoon --> disruption of trade winds ---> volcanic ash descends on Maui (aka "VOG") ---> air outside is now poison to me ----> breathing problems ---> multiple doctors visits ---> over prescribed medication (plus no drinking or smoking, so much for the maui wowee)---> allergic reaction to said medication ---> feel like dying ---> havent been outside in a week. But hey, gotta take the good with the bad in life, and I am just so happy not to have met a ridiculous untimely end, I can not even tell yall. Live to see another day.

What all of this partially means is I have also gotten to catch up with what is on the TV these days. Im sure yall are all familiar with True Blood, but that show is badass. Also caught an amazing Glenn Gould documentary on PBS at about 3 AM last night. But where it gets heavy, we gotta give it up for "The Millionaire Matchmaker" on Bravo. That show is exactly what it sounds like. Millionaires generally in their 30s or 40s going on TV to get set up by a "3rd generation matchmaker with an EXTREMELY high success rate" as it says in the intro. Here is the catch. They are almost all retards, and every show follows this basic formula.

1. Video of subject explaining their problem. The matchmaker and her team disect the problems of subject ("oh great, this guy is a real asshole, this is gonna be a pain in the ass.")
2. Subject goes into office to meet with the Matchmaker, who says "you are having trouble finding love because you have these problems with your personality. When you show up at the mixer don't do x y and z. Subject says "but i dont have any personality problems!!" matchmaker says "but seriously, dont just stare at her tits" or something like that
3. Set up with 5-10 babes at a mixer gets to pick one they like, subject 50% of the time is unable to follow extremely basic advice from earlier, usually does something creepy
4. Subject picks one of babes from mixer for a "master date" around the town, or periodically they fly to Atlantic City or Barbados or something.
5. Subject makes an ass out of themselves at the date, generally by exposing the multiple basic personality flaws that were obvious from earlier.
6. Return to base post-date. Subject mouths off that it wasn't their fault, the Millionaire Matchmaker goes "get the fuck out of my office you piece of shit asshole! you are going to die a shrivled up crone in a nursing home because you dont deserve love!"
7. Last shot of the people on the date, with some text letting you know what happened... "Billy and Tara never spoke again" that kind of thing.

Its gold Jerry, you guys gotta get on board with this shit. I'll get the popcorn.