Tips for going to shows at Emo's Austin

Howdy everybody
My girl called me the other night around 8 o clock saying she was one her way to a show at Emo's in Austin, TX. That's right, you know the place. Anyway, when I got noticed the time she told me this, I immediately was able to play out the rest of her experience in my head.

In light of this, I'd like to share to some knowledge I've picked up from the many shows I myself have been to at Emo's.

1) It's going to be a long night - Planning to catch Klaxons on a tuesday night real quick and then get to bed in time to get up at 6 for that important job interview you've got at 7 in the morning? FORGET IT. First of all, no show at Emo's EVER starts before 10pm (even if they say otherwise), and most of the time, the show is going to start at midnight, with the main band comign on at 1 or sometimes even 2. Too many times have I made the mistake of showing up at Emo's hoping to get a 'good spot' or something like that, 'beat the crowds', or other bullshit in quotes, just to sit with a thumb up my ass for FOUR FUCKING HOURS waiting for the one, somewhat amusing band to stumble out after having fully enjoyed bar hours backstage for the same amount of time.
Let me reiterate, DONT GO TO EMO'S EARLY! It's just a recipe for disapointment.

2) Don't trust the employees - This is mainly in regards to showtimes. The people at the door have NO IDEA who is even playing, much less what time each act is, even though they have a sheet of paper right on the wall (where you can see it without asking, anyway) that gives the nights' schedule. Once I was told DJ Swamp was starting at 12:30, so I left (I had gotten there at around 9), and came back around 12:15. Well DJ Swamp was finishing up and I basically missed the bulk of the show. Go figure. The 20 minutes I did catch were really awesome, but I mean, I paid for the show, I would have liked to see the whole thing.

3) Trust the employees - We all know that seeing that cutting-edge-just-barely-still-underground-and-not-on-pitchfork-yet band can be a truly magical, universal, almost transcendant experience. But hey, newsflash, at the end of the day, you're seeing a money making endeavor in a money making endeavor staffed by people solely there to make money (in whatever amounts). It can seem magical when you're young, but sooner or later, you see it for the dancing monkeys in the dive bar that it is. Use this knowledge wisely! However magical you think it might be, the staff are always a step ahead and know the science behind the magic. If they tell you the show is outside, but you are sure it's inside, they are probably right. If you need to know what to do with the drunk/tripping might-be-homeless dude you found in the corner of the bathroom, the staff knows. And they are no bullshit. Listen to what they say and what they tell yall to do, it just makes everything go smoother.

4) Have some Bar Etiquette - It's loud, you're drunk, there are a ton of people wanting the exact same thing you want with the exact same to give that you got. Mouth, rather than say, what you want to drink. The bartenders often have earplugs and are incredibly adept at reading lips by now. Just make it clear. Don't ask for a recommendation, don't try to say you spilled one and want one for free, don't make yer order too complicated (although this is very flexible, these guys are good). Just say how many, and of what, you want. And please, forget about specials...it's Emo's for god sakes. If you want to save money, drink Pabst or LoneStar. Feeling fancy? Go with the Modelo. Have a mixed drink (it'll be good). But just KISS (keep it simple stupid).

5) It's better if you don't know - For some reason, the bands you REALLY want to see at Emo's are never going to be as good as the band you could give two shits about at Emo's. Tons of people come to this place just cause, that's what they do. Who cares who is playing, there's a cover, you pay it, you are treated to modern jams. When you see somebody you have been dying to see, you are probably going to already be breaking every rule I've already said, so you're just setting yourself up for disapointment. When it's someone you only marginally care for, and were dragged to, you are going to focus more on getting drunk and having fun. Plus, for some reason, those thursday night, packed-but-unpromoted shows are the best. You will likely have your face rocked thoroughly off, and probably meet some great folks. Enjoy the spontenaiety.

6) Go in the side door - If you can, the line on Red River is most often way less than the line on 6th itself. On 6th you got to deal with the sheepish masses AND the wandering drunks. People are attracted to crowds, and the line on 6th before the Ratatat concert is a FUCKING CROWD if I ever seen one. If you can convince the door guy (sometimes takes no effort at all), you can get in on Red River and then just stroll past the men's restroom and be in the bigger outdoor area. Try it sometime...

7) Love the Eskimos - Just in honor of this awesome tradition, Emo's showed to me just how cool pissing on ice can be. It's like a game of Brickles or some shit everytime you relieve yourself. Fun. Fast. Fantastic.

I hope you have a good time at Emo's. It's one of the best small venues in Austin, with a great atmosphere, great staff, usually great patrons, and with the lounge included, and incredible variety of acts and environments. Get wasted and one last tip, if you lose your keys, just ask at the bar. This is Texas you know, and people are pretty cool.

GOD BLESS IT.